By Lydia Muhammad
(Photos by April Abdul-BaaQee)
MEMPHIS, Tenn. – “Our Lord! grant unto us spouses and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.” Qur’an Surah Al Furqan (25:74) The Prophet (S) said, “No house has been built in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than through marriage.”
On another occasion, the Prophet (S) said, “The best people of my nation (Ummat) are those who get married and have chosen their wives. And the worst people of my nation are those who have kept away from marriage and are passing their lives as bachelors.”
Imam ‘Ali (AS) exhorted, “Marry, because marriage is the tradition of the Prophet (SAW).” The Prophet (SAW) also said, “Whosoever likes to follow my tradition, then he should know that marriage is from my tradition.”
April Abdul BaaQee had the desire to organize an event to celebrate marriage for many years. So, in January 2019 she did just that with the first annual Muslim Marriage Retreat. This year was the 4th Annual Muslim Marriage Retreat.
The theme, REBOOT RECONNECT AND REFOCUS, highlighted this very unique retreat, in that it allowed the couples to REFOCUS on those things that have always been important to them. This refocusing brought about a cleansing, a healing and a protection to those things that are unique to the marriage.
The couples left the Retreat energized, filled with passion, strength, courage, creativity, healing, warmth, and security, with an even greater commitment, a soul connection to help each other even more than before.
When asked what motivated her to create such a nurturing environment for couples, April said: “After 19 years of marriage, I noticed in my own life that over the years we started doing more ‘parenting than coupling.’ And I didn’t want to wake up 10 years later no longer knowing my husband.
“I also knew that if I felt like that, other married couples did too. The questions in my head waere ‘how can this pattern be changed? What can we do to benefit the whole of us?’ We needed to Reboot-Restart to get back to working normally. In the computer world after a crash, the computer is useless until you reboot.
“We needed to Reconnect-Re-establish a bond of communication and emotion. We were all about schedules, pick up times and drop off times. We needed to Refocus. I really like the webster definition: Adjust the focus of (a lens or one’s eyes).”
Hence after deep thought Muslim Marriage Retreat was born in 2019. It was such a great success including Muslims, Christians and Interfaith couples who believe in marriage. Fast forward to October 2023 and the 4th Annual Muslim Marriage Retreat was a 3-day event.
April and her husband Ma’Hajj organized the event to include activities that would allow the couples to learn about things that could enhance their marriage.
The weekend opened with a Jumu’ah Prayer service that was led by Imam Ma’Hajj Abdul BaaQee. Later that night was a wonderful meet and greet session with a wonderful buffet and the smooth jazz presentation by Mr. John Yancey and his jazz ensemble.
Home-grown “Johnny” was inspired to play the trumpet, while in elementary school, by his older brother, a saxophonist. While at Southside High School, he was introduced to Jazz by his band director James Keys. He was mentored by a senior classmate, Donald Brown, who later became an internationally acclaimed pianist with Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers.
Attending Memphis State University, he majored in music education. Always a lover of big bands and Jazz orchestras, Johnny was inspired to form his own group in 2002, the Sanctuary Jazz Orchestra. Johnny is known by the quote: “Jazz is the true music from the soul and for the soul.”
Mr. Yancey, his wife and members of his orchestra have been a mainstay of the Retreat since 2019.
Saturday morning was opened with another breakfast and an awesome workshop facilitated by Dr. Muslimah Ali and her husband Tariq Najee-ullah, titled “Couples TOUCH Workshop: Stimulating Spousal Intimacy Through Touch and Movement”
Dr. Muslimah stated, “The data on divorce suggests that intimate spousal relationships have been falling apart for the last 20 years. There are several theories on why and the purposes of this workshop: ‘Stimulating Intimacy through Touch and Movement.’
Dr. Muslimah added, “I focus on the lack of intimacy of spousal openness, support, and affection. The sad truth is that most couples have never learned how to reliably sustain pleasure in intimate relationships. This is particularly true for Muslims, since we have a strict code on male-female interactions before marriage. It matters now, more than ever.”
“In the 20th Century, and the age of technology, we have the luxury of living in virtual relationships and real-life isolation. Most of us do not live as a part of a large family or community, where we would normally develop a sense of comfort, safety and connectivity with those around us.
“Our culture has grown to value independence, autonomy, self-sufficiency, but not intimacy. Within this cultural framework, couples today must provide the bulk of emotional needs that a community used to supply.”
She explained another confounding issue of intimacy is the commercialization of sex, and the detachment of sex from intimacy. “My husband (Tariq Najee-ullah) and I facilitate this workshop together; starting with a brief introduction of ourselves, and an icebreaker activity for the couples. We then guide couples through a series of reflective, sharing, and active listening exercises,” explained Dr. Muslimah.
The next session was “Halal Chicken Soup For The Soul” facilitated by Imam Dr. Nasir Ahmed and his wife Dr. Haleemah. When you think of marriages that represent longevity, they definitely fit the mold – married for over 50 years. Their wisdom and advice left the couples motivated toward a commitment to honor one another and look forward to many years of marital bliss.
One of the other sessions was SOUL PAINTING (courtesy of yours truly, Lydia Muhammad). In this session each couple created a painting based on Circles, Squares, and Colors they have spiritual connections to. The paintings are then analyzed, allowing the couple to unlock, and uncover some of the things that have been hidden or blocked, so to speak.
The exercise brings couples to Reboot, Reconnect, and Refocus. Colors are one of the most beautiful and also most under-appreciated aspects of the physical realm. We are surrounded by colors, but how often do we notice the numerous subtleties in the myriad of shades.
Spiritually, color can impart both information – as in aura, colors and energy – as in healing. The aura is the spiritual energy field surrounding living beings which is “visible” to the psychically sensitive. So when you met your spouse, there was a certain energy that attracted you to them, and that energy had a color attached to it.
If you look at the colors and shapes of things in creation, they exude energy. When you think of a full-grown sunflower, what colors do you see? And how does it make you feel to look at it? We are each unique individuals, and colors may hold different meanings for us than for others, just as a piece of music inspires different feelings in different people.
Dr. Chantelle Farris Stokes, MA, LADACII presented a workshop on “Effective Communication” with emphasis on the keys that are not only “words and tone” but “comprehension” of what is being said as well. She is a native Memphian who graduated from Lemoyne Owen College with a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology with a Specialization in Psychology followed with a Master’s of Arts in Human Services: Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy from Liberty University.
She is the mother of two teenagers who she affectionately referred to as the people she “lives with.” She has worked in various agencies both private and non-profit sectors in Memphis for the past 16 years, including criminal justice centers, a psychiatric hospital, and the trauma center.
Her passion resides in doing work with women, persons suffering with addictions, and helping persons find stability and wellness. She is a Licensed Alcohol Drug Abuse Counselor Level 2 with the State of Tennessee.
The highlight for Saturday Night’s Dinner and Jazz was the awesome talent of Darryl Evan Jones, The Ambassador of Instrumental Soul. His style is described thusly: “In the tradition of pioneering contemporary jazz greats like Tim Weisberg and Hubert Laws, Darryl Evan Jones brings the unique instrument’s classic vibe and rich melodic and harmonic possibilities to a new generation.
“The multi-talented Bronx, New York, raised performer fully embraces his artistic spirit with a style that reflects the many different sides of his unique musical personality. Shattering expectations and preconceived notions of what he and his flute should sound like, Darryl insists that he’s a soul singer who can’t sing and expresses his emotions through his flute.
The special surprise guest for Saturday evening was comedian Marcus D. Wiley. It was “divine order” for April to get in touch with Wiley to inquire about him performing for next year’s “5th Annual Muslim Marriage Retreat.”
As Allah would have it, Marcus was already scheduled to be in Memphis during the weekend of the “4th Annual Muslim Marriage Retreat” and staying at the exact same hotel as the Retreat. So, he graced us with his presence Saturday night and his “MARRIAGE IS MAJOR SURGERY” did not disappoint. It was clean, honest, transparent, thought-provoking, helpful and extremely funny – all in one.
Bro. Wiley shared with us that he researched the major organs of the body and identified THE BRAIN, THE HEART and THE STOMACH as being three of them. And anyone who is married (or has been previously married) can openly testify that marriage works on your brain, your heart and your stomach (or as April said, your appetites)!
To be continued….
(Article originally published in Muslim Journal Issue Volume 48, No. 24, DEC 23-29, 2023)